Your neighbor is guilty

He did it. I saw him do it. It was wrong. It was in a forest. I’m not saying where, but it was in a forest. I’m not saying when, but it was years ago. Many years ago, in a forest. With a goat. The goat did not consent. It said what he was doing was baaaaad, baaaaad. I remember the goat’s words distinctly. I can name three others who say they saw it. What do you mean, they all deny it? As Sam Donaldson used to say, it’s the seriousness of the allegations that matters here. Don’t get so focused on ‘evidence’. Or ‘testimony’. This is not a court of law. Consider the goat’s feelings! Or is that too much to ask? I can still hear the screaming. Baaaaaad! The goat did not consent!

What I am doing here is bearing false witness against your neighbor.  I’m destroying your neighbor’s reputation on the basis of lies.

Why would that be acceptable if your neighbor was Brett Kavanaugh?

 

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